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Sample Section from the chapter on Aggression:
Raising
The other day I was playing a cash game and I was dealt pocket kings, a monster hand. I made my standard raise and was called by another player in bad position. When the dreaded ace hit the flop I knew I could be in trouble. My opponent checked, and I decided to raise the pot to see where I was at. When my opponent re-raised “all in” I had an easy decision to make. I was beat. My bet and his re-raise told me all I needed to know. I quickly folded my hand. Had I just called throughout the hand I would have no idea where I was at. I might have thought my opponent was bluffing, and called him down losing a lot more money in the process. By raising, even though I lost, I lost the minimum. And not losing money is just as sweet as winning money when you’re playing poker.
In life flirting is raising. You don’t flirt with your friends. You don’t flirt with your mother (I hope). You flirt with girls; girls that you like. When you flirt with someone you are expressing interest in a non friend kind of a way. And just like raising when you flirt you are sending out a message. A message that will give you a clear signal back.
When you flirt with someone you are putting them to a decision, and how they react will be obvious and easy to understand. Either they will flirt back, or they won’t. With that kind of information all of your future decisions are easy.
Let’s look at the importance of provoking a response for a second, and then we’ll get back to what flirting really is. Through the law of probability we know that not everyone is going to like us. The important part to remember is that some will; but which ones? Well that’s the problem. You’re not going to know which girls you have a chance with if you don’t flirt with them.
Let’s say there’s a gorgeous honey bunny you would die to go out with that you meet through a mutual friend. And let’s say you flirt with this girl and she doesn’t give you the time of day, is that bad news? No! Absolutely not! Okay so she doesn’t like you, and that sucks, but at least you know now at a minimal investment of self esteem and time. What if on the other hand you went the friend route, and never flirted with her, wasted weeks or months of your life before you were finally rejected. Would that be any better? I think not.
In poker what good players do is constantly take stabs at pots. They’re always raising away, not huge raises, just small ones to try and see where they’re at, and when they finally have a big hand they go in for the kill. Well in dating it’s no different. You should constantly be flirting it up with anyone you meet that you might be interested. Just keep flirting away, and when you get some good responses, then you start thinking about moving all in. The key is to avoid playing a big pot until you know you’re likely to have the best of it.
So how exactly do you flirt? What does it mean, and what does it look like? Well the best way to explain flirting with a girl is by looking at the way you interact with your guy friends. Let me ask you a question. When you’re hanging out with your buddies how do you talk with each other? Do you give each other compliments, and talk about how much you admire and appreciate them? Or do you rag on each other, make jokes about each other’s mother, and bring up every stupid thing they’ve done in recent history?
You see the way you show affection to your guy friends is by busting their balls. You don’t do this to be a jerk and you aren’t being serious, you’re doing it to show that you care in a way that won’t make you awkward and weak. Well when you flirt with a girl you’re basically doing the same thing. Now be careful here, because I’m not saying you should break their balls the way you do with your friends, not exactly. But you do want to play with them.
Girls like to be teased, and played with; it makes them feel special. What doesn’t make them feel special is some desperate guy giving them a speech about how much they really like them. Sadly girls find this pathetic.
To a “nice guy” flirting can seem a lot like being a “jerk”, but it’s not. An example of this was when I was still in college, and still very much a “nice guy” I was hanging out with a group of friends at a bar. A group of very hot girls walked in, one of whom was a “10”, as they entered a guy started calling out at the “10” saying, “Hey fatty! Hey Fatty!”
Now this girl had one of the nicest bodies I had ever seen, so the idea of calling her a fatty was ridiculous. I thought the guy was a total asshole. When I saw that same girl leaving the bar on that guy’s arms I felt certain that there was no God, and that life had no meaning or reason. I see now that the guy was clearly flirting with the girl.
Here was a girl that everyone in the room was drooling over, who probably was approached fifty times a night by weak pathetic guys who put her up on a pedestal and reeked of desperation. And here was this guy paying her attention in a way that brought her down to earth, and at the same time said you’re no better than me.
So, again let’s get clear on what flirting is. Innuendo or double entendre are a type of flirting. That’s where it sounds like you’re saying one thing, but you’re really talking about something else. So for example if you see a girl watching a football game, and you ask her if she’s fond of tight ends. You’re giving her a double entendre.
Another type of flirt is the accusation, which women love. Anytime you accuse them of coming on to you, or trying to seduce you it’s a great way to flirt. So if for example you’re talking with a woman, you could accuse her of checking out your ass, and ask her to stop. Now clearly you’re not being serious, you’re flirting, and that’s what it’s all about.
Another type of flirt is the mock insult. The fatty example was a classic one. The trick is you can only make a mock insult over something the woman can have absolutely no hang ups over. So in the fatty example, it only would have worked on a girl with a ridiculously good body. If she was even above average, she would still probably be insulted by it.
Another flirt is an underhanded compliment. Where it sounds like you’re giving her a compliment, but you’re actually teasing her. So if a girl says something ditzy and you say something like “Wow, so tell me what was it like at Harvard?” You’re busting her chops, by pretending to insult her by giving her a fake compliment. But if you deliver it right, she’ll get that you’re flirting with her.